I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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