I wish I could teleport
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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