Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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