I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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