YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
