threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
God, I missed his penis.
There's even glitter on my cock...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
