I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
