Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
