She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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