bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he fucked my hip out of place.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
