love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
