as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We are two peas in an std pod
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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