I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
