Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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