He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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