i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
