If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
