I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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