i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize