apparently the secret to your success is patron
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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