living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
