I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He did a backflip because drugs
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