I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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