My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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