Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
