I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize