Don't you send me to vm
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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