Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
