Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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