lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
