He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
