hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Randomize
