I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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