This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
