Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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