I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
