Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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