He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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