apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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