Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
