What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
