But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize