My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just cropdusted the office
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
