I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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