I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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