somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
