Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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