I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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