You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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