u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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