If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
