New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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