so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
