...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
