And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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