It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
