Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
