I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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