Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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