did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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